A Very Long Goodbye.

A few weeks ago, I was commuting home and I saw this woman sitting with a little boy on her lap. He had a cowlick, and she was doing her best to get it to lie flat on his head. She licked her hand and petted it, she held it down for several seconds and then stroked it, all trying to get it to lie flat. And I looked at her, and him, and thought of my fiance, and how he has a cowlick that I have to be carefully aware of whenever I cut his hair. I have to make sure it stays long enough so that it won't stick up erratically, and he watches me like a hawk as I clip away, making sure I do it correctly.

I love that cowlick. To me, it makes a grown man look like a mischievous boy. I noticed it on our first date, and it's never once ceased to make me smile. Sometimes it's the first thing I notice about him, sometimes the last, but I always see it and fall in love with him all over again.

A part of me wanted to tell that woman - look, one day, years and years from now, another woman is going to love your son's cowlick more than you could ever imagine. Right now she's a little girl growing into the woman he's going to marry, the woman he's going to love for the rest of his life, and so don't disappoint her by trying to change his hair so early. Maybe just let it be for now, leave it alone and let it stick up, let him grow into it until he's ready to have her cut it for him. But don't worry - she's going to absolutely treasure it.

When I realized what I was thinking, I realized that I have to close down this blog. I'm not doing this because I want to, or because I feel like I have better things to be doing now that I'm engaged, but because I love the Lawyer from Southie so much that I want to protect our life together. Because for the last three years, while I've been writing this blog and running around being ridiculous, I've been stalked by a Pennsylvanian man who now uses this blog to see what I'm doing often as many as 20 times a day. And while this blog is many things, I'm uncomfortable with it being fodder for madness.

I could name off a litany of things he's done - to not just myself, but to everyone around me. He creates fake profiles, either of strangers or of my friends, and then attacks me, my family members, my friends. He sends emails to my coworkers and harasses them. He harassed my sister in law until she took down her wedding website. There are over 40 profiles on Facebook that I have to actively block, and more pop up daily. At one point, there was a blog where he wrote posts pretending to be a horrible version of myself, posting pictures that I had taken with my camera. When you look at the amount of time he spends creating fake profiles, seeking out my friends, coworkers and family, and reading my blog eighteen times a day, you think to yourself "This loser makes stalking her a full time job." And that is exactly what he does. We sit here and watch as his IP address checks this website at 10am, then at 10:25am, 11:15, 1:20pm, 4:30, 7:00, 8:10, 10:35, 11:35, 12:25, 1:35, and 1:55 throughout a single day. It's unsettling to me on a level I never knew possible. And at this point in time, I have to end things.

Because honestly, I want to be that woman commuting with her little boy someday soon. And I don't want that little boy to have a stalker, much less a stalker that I invite with my random blog posts. I don't want that little boy to be afraid that one day Mommy is going to get hurt, or even worse, that he might get hurt. I've already subjected my friends, my mother, my brother, and my sister in law to a violent bully, and I'm ready to draw the line.

To any women out there who are dealing with similar situations, I can only tell you to be smart. Talk to a lawyer - they're often free when stalking is involved. Talk to your local police department, let them know that you're being actively harassed because that way if anything happens to you, action will be swift and in the right direction. Read your blog statistics and know how to trace IP addresses. Keep a log of everything. Tell your family members, your coworkers, your boss and your friends. Don't take anything for granted. Carry mace, and know how to use it.

And if you're in a relationship with a violent bully, someone who pushes you around and then tells you it's your fault, someone who yells at you and then tries to make you pity him, listen to yourself when you hear your brain start wondering whether or not you can do better. Because believe me, you can do better. It takes a long time, and a lot of self discovery, but you can do better. There is a Laywer from Southie out there for every Lonely Sidecar.

I think often about the idea that little girls are taught to expect knights in shining armor. The feminist in me argues that it's misogynistic and wrong, but the historian in me wonders what those generations before us were trying to communicate. All I can say is this: it takes a lot to become a knight. It takes self discipline, a tireless work ethic, a reputation beyond flaw. There are so few men who fit this bill, it's easy to see why people can spend an unhappy lifetime searching crowded bars, internet dating websites, singles nights.

But I have to tell you that it's worth the wait when you do find that knight. It's worth it when you find that man who changes your life, who makes you become a better, stronger, smarter person. It's worth it when you realize that everything you've ever asked for is inside one person, that the universe created a soul mate for you but simply stipulated that you had to find him on your own. You can't find your soul mate when you're hanging out with violent bullies. You can't run out to meet your knight in shining armor if the ugly dragon is keeping you locked up in the tower.

I've loved writing this blog over the last year and a half. I absolutely love so many of the people I've met through it, and I've learned so much from so many people. So many writers out there have brought themselves into my home with their ideas for crafts and cooking. I've read books you've told me to read, I've sought out restaurants you've told me to try. I've loved this experience more than many others I've had in my life. But I love a man more, now. And because he and I want to move on with our life together without a dragon hovering outside, we have to close up shop.

I want to thank you for reading my blog, for trying my recipes, for helping me out of some terrible situations, for celebrating with me during the amazing adventures. Where some things end others begin. And I am at a point in my life where I am so happy, I cannot hold back my enthusiasm for what's next.

Eclairs

As I type this, The Lawyer from Southie, ahem, my fiance, is shoveling out our car so that we can go to a birthday party this afternoon. Boston is still getting sacked by a big storm, which is really just an excuse to sit inside watching movies you've seen 12 times already, eating comfort food, gazing longingly at your new engagement ring.

Because yes, that's basically what I do all day long now. I stare at the sparkler on my finger. It's pretty overwhelming.


Although, I have, as my mother puts it, "calmed down" a little by this point. I've stopped sharing the news with strangers. I've stopped calling everyone I've ever known to tell them just how happy I am. I've managed to hold entire conversations about something else entirely before launching into the story of how he proposed. My re-telling of the story has been toned down as well, only because after a while it became obvious that my embellishments were getting the best of me. "Duff," TLFS said finally, after we had spent the weekend with some family friends, "you have to realize that there were no doves cooing in the distance when I asked you."


So yes, there were no doves. But it was still perfect and the most awesome thing ever. And I am still waking up every morning, looking over at him, and exclaiming I AM MARRYING YOU!!!!!

Most of our mornings start out that way - what with my spontaneous declarations followed by the serious need for coffee. And a few days ago, after an underwhelming trip to a Dunkin Donuts, I decided to try to make at home my favorite donut of all time - the Boston Cream.


You know it, you love it. It's chewy on the outside, silky and sugary on the inside. It's good enough that you can't share it with a friend, it's bad enough you're willing to lie to the person you love when he asks you what you had for breakfast that morning. "Oh me? Um, just some oatmeal."

I played around with making a generic cream puff over Christmas, using Martha Stewart's pate a choux recipe. This was easy enough, and I'm kind of interested to see what else I can do with a panade. For the eclair creams, I went with more sugar than recommended just because I did want to mimic the Dunkin Donuts Experience for our friends who do not live within walking distance of a coffee shop.



The best part about the pate a choux recipe is that it can make cream puffs just as easily. I like cream puffs, but I like the Japanese mocchi better. So for our dessert New Years Eve, I went with tiny puffs filled with either vanilla or espresso-flavored ice cream, and topped those with a chocolate sauce that TLFS makes regularly. It needed to be less of a fudgy experience than you generally get at Friendly's or wherever, so that the puffs would absorb the sauce.

We spent the most lovely New Years at our friends Hillary and Jon's house, where we made a dinner that was better than anything we could have paid $80 for each. After fighting a little with some non-puffy puffs, Hillary, who is doing her food homework, said that there is a technique for cooking puffs, then poking a hole in the top of them and returning them to the oven to "dry out." This might be an option for the next time around. The chewiness of the puffs didn't bother me with the ice cream, but it did become a problem when I was trying to fill them with the custard. To be totally honest, I got around that by just putting a huge dollup of custard on the side of the plate. No one seemed to mind.


Everything was based off of this recipe, but it honestly took me three times to get the custard right, and even now I'm still thinking of how it could be perfected (more time on lower heat, confectioner's sugar, etc). And definitely try playing around with the cooking techniques for the puffs - they require more attention than anything.

Ok. Now I'm back to staring at my ring.

Merry Christmas from the Least Lonely Sidecar Ever

That's right. I am the Future Mrs. From Southie. !!!!!!!!!


I'll try to write more later, but at the moment I can't stop staring at my future husband.

Lonely Sidecar Steak and Guinness Pie

In New England, there are two main topics that are considered newsworthy at any hour.

The Weather and the Patriots.

If you made an ordered table of contents of the 6 o'clock news hour, it would look like this:

Introduction: Upcoming storm in our system - will it or won't it affect the upcoming game against the Giants?

Chapter 1: Where is this Storm Coming From (the Midwest, obvi. All tragedy in New England can be directly traced back to St. Louis)?

Chapter 2: What other tragedies can we anticipate from this Patriots team?

Chapter 3: Randy Moss: He's not pulling a Big Papi, is he?

Chapter 4: How is Giselle doing with all this snow? Does she need any help shoveling? Because Joe the Weatherman is here to help!!!

Chapter 5: What is the anticipated effect of this Weather on Eli Manning, the Poor Man's Peyton?

Chapter 6: Actual Weather Time: Looks like this storm is so bad that it's going to keep you from going to work on Monday. So you know what that means...

Chapter 7: BLIZZARD TAILGATE IDEAS FOR THE PATRIOTS GAME

Conclusion: The Giants are going to look like even bigger pansies in all this snow! Forecast: Pats 744, Giants 0.


And look, before the Giants fans out there start whining that I'm pulling a Newt Gingrich and writing some revisionist history here, just remember that I choose to live in the Veritable Igloo of Boston, where the weather is a balmy 12 degrees today. Expect me to be somewhat delusional, ok?

Anyway, there is nothing better than some good old comfort food for when the weather outside is frightful. And so as the Lawyer from Southie and I pulled our own little shut in over here, we made this dish - a steak and Guinness pie adapted from a recipe by Jamie Oliver. I've used brisket in the past, and it works incredibly well, but seriously, I live in the most Irish neighborhood in the world. You ask for brisket, they ask you if you mean corned beef. Seriously. What the hell? Next you're going to be asking us for falafel.


Lonely Sidecar Steak and Guinness Pie

3lbs bottom round beef (or similar pot roast quality meat), cut into bite sized pieces
3 onions
3 carrots
4 celery stalks
4 portabello mushrooms
1 can Guinness
2-3C reduced sodium beef stock
1 sprig of rosemary
4 cloves of garlic, minced
1 package of frozen, store bought puff pastry (thawed)
1 egg for washing
flour for dusting
Salt and Pepper to taste


Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Chop onions, carrots, celery, and mushrooms into larger bite-sized pieces. In a large Dutch oven, heat 2T of olive oil on medium heat. Add onions, garlic, chopped rosemary, and other vegetables. When onions are translucent, add the meat and brown.

When meat has incorporated into the vegetables and is browned, coat everything with flour and stir well. I find it generally takes about 3T of flour. When everything is coated, add 2T butter and 1 can of Guinness. Don't forget - one for the pot, one for you. Enjoy responsibly. Add beef stock and cover, put Dutch oven into oven for 2.5 hours.

Take out stew from oven. It should be thicker than a regular stew - if not, add more flour and stir well.

Roll out one sheet of puff pastry and lay it on the bottom of a baking dish. Fill the dish with the stew, and don't worry about filling it up to the brim. Roll out the second sheet of pastry and place it over the top of the pie, rolling up the sides and scoring the top. Bake for 40 minutes at 350, or until browned. You can choose to paint the dish with an egg wash - half the time I do, half the time I don't. It looks beautiful either way. The original recipe calls for cheese, but I generally just serve grated cheddar on the side.

This dish is just as good on the second, third, and fourth days, so happily make one pie if there are just the two of you.